Open Letter to the Bugs

Dear June bugs (the bugs not the kids)

We need to set some ground rules this year because last year you were just out of control.

1. Don't eat my flowers.
2. Don't eat my veggies.
3. Don't eat my peaches or anything with a fruit on it. I work hard to get them to fruit.
4. Please don't kamikaze me when I walk through the garden. I value my eyeballs, and it's annoying.
5. Don't even think about coming into my house.

Follow these 5 simple rules, and we'll get along just fine. If you don't, I will be forced to feed you to the toads and frogs. Thank you. Carry on.

Goodbye Fat!

Dear Fat~

I am breaking up with you. I know we have been together a long time, but truthfully, I won't miss you.

I'm saying goodbye and kicking your, formerly mine, fatty butt out the door. True, you will not go easily, but I won't let that stop me. My friends, Mr. Cycle and Mr. Skinny and Mr. Whatever kind of exercise class you want, have my back.

That's it. I'm done. Don't call me. Don't beckon to me from the cookie and cake aisle. And, don't think you can turn off my alarm to make me miss a class. There are exercise videos on the internet. Hasta la Vista, Fatty!

Sincerely~
Me

Open Letter

Dear Fellow Library Goer-

Have you been enjoying your trips to the library? Infrequent as they are. I know you love the library as much as I do because everytime I go you have checked out another book I want and not returned it. It must've been a really good book.

Could you maybe return those books? I know you might have to remortgage your house to pay for the fines, but the library does have this thing called amnesty day. I know I would appreciate it, and I'm sure the library would like to have those books back even if it means they have to build an addition because you really do have a lot of books.

I'm really getting annoyed that you keep checking books out and not returning them. Do you look at my list of books to read then decide to beat me to the library? If you're not going to return them, could you at least let me borrow them? None of the other libraries have these books. Only you.

Yes, I know the library is free, but you really shouldn't abuse the system. Besides, it's not free books you can keep forever. Do you know one of the books you have I've had on hold for over a year waiting for you to return it? Although, I do thank you for returning the last book even if it was a week late.

Anyway, just return the freaking books, will you? It's enough all ready. I'm not above demonstrating in front of your house.


Sincerely,

Your Fellow Library Lover